Behind the Wheel

9:05am: Do you ever look at your parents and think: how can I be of the same flesh and blood? Surely I must be adopted, right?

I was on the phone with my mother the other day. We rarely ever discuss politics, because she's always voted Republican. One of the reasons I'm in New Orleans is because of some of the political and racial arguments I used to have with that woman. Back in the days of the first gulf war, we had a series of HUGE arguments over the war, race, and politics in general. She was also trying to control my life and trying to tell me who I could live with and who I couldn't live with. I was 26 years old, I was an adult, I was living on my own, so no one had the right to try to control my life the way she was trying to. So I took off to New Orleans, not telling her where I was going and I didn't speak to her for three and a half years. A lot of this had to do with her racial and political views. So the other day, when she brought up politics, I was surprised. She asked me if I'm voting for Obama, I told her I am. She then told me that she's going to sit out the election, because she can't vote for a "nigger". This is my own mother, how am I supposed to handle this? Just a little while ago I broke up with a woman and one of the reasons I did so was because of some of the racist things she would say whenever the topic of Obama and the presidential election came up. That wasn't the only reason I dumped her, but it did have a lot to do with it. But what do I do about this when I hear this shit from my mother? You can 't really disown your family without causing yourself as much pain as you're causing them. I didn't speak to her for three and a half years because of something very similar to what she said to me the other day. I'm surprised that she'd venture down the same road that caused me to pack up my shit and not speak to her for three years. I'm not the same person I was back then and I'm not about to walk out of her life again over politics. I don't know how I should handle it though, so I just try to shrug it off. She's almost 70 years old and people that old rarely ever change, so why waste my breathe and risk getting in another serious blow up over it? At least I can say that she's woken up enough to not be voting Republican this year. I'd rather see her sit it out than vote for John McBush.

There's so much more I'd like to write on this, but I really must be getting out to work. It's Friday and there isn't anything going on in the dance community, so it looks like I'll probably be staying in tonight. Maybe I'll post more about this when I come home.

6:50pm: Lots of Dancing in Seattle
I just did a search on swing dancing in Seattle. Boy did I find a lot of stuff! I was told Seattle has a big dance community and they really do. It looks like I'll have plenty of stuff to do while I'm there. There's a dance event going on almost every night I'll be there. I will go to at least one or two of these dances, as I would really like to start getting to know some of the people in the Seattle dance community, especially since I'm thinking about moving there. It looks like they do mostly West Coast swing. They are on the west coast, so that figures, eh? I know mostly east coast swing, but I'm willing to learn how to do west coast. I see they like a lot of the Lindy Hop, which is what I'm starting to learn right now, so maybe I won't be totally out of touch with what they're doing up there.

I'm planning a few good hikes, a trip to Portland, Vanguard, and now I have to work in at least one or two nights of dancing. It looks like I'll have a lot to keep myself busy while I'm there.

48 days and counting.

9:45am: Just Me, Brandy, and Fess
It seems I've been living my life backwards the past few months. I do all my partying on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday when I go dancing. On Fridays and Saturdays, when everyone else is out partying, I'm usually sitting at home watching a movie or surfing the internet, after I practice my saxophone. Last night was no exception, I worked my ten hours, put my $30 away for vacation, put on my Fess CD (Professor Longhair for you non New Orleans people), and practiced my instrument for an hour. I'm very pleased with the progress I'm making. I can't remember the last time I skipped a day of practice. There have been days when I've only had maybe ten or fifteen minutes to practice and when I have that little time I almost think what's the point, but it's important to at least pick up the horn, even if time is limited. Even fifteen minutes can keep my lip in shape and my mind sharp.

Tonight will be pretty much the same routine. After work I'll come home, put my money away, play my sax, and cook myself dinner. I think I'll even throw in a load of laundry. Nice quiet weekend, I like it. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. Maybe I'll stop at the movie store on my way home.

Only 49 days until vacation.

8:19am: A Little Sacrifice Can Go a Long Way
A few years ago, when I read Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey, I learned an amazing new concept, a concept that is totally alien to the American way of life. What is this concept? It's called delayed gratification. In a society that tells us we can have anything we want and we can have it NOW, that we can just charge it up, you don't meet very many people who understand the joys of delayed gratification. This is a concept that says you don't buy something until you have the money for it, unless it's a really essential item like food or transportation, that kind of thing. You don't go out to eat and put it on your credit card, you don't buy that new TV set unless you've got the money put away for it, and you don't borrow to go on vacation.

The first time I realized what a great concept this is was when Nev and I flew to Seattle two years ago for Luke and Julie's wedding. We were sitting at the base of the Space Needle on a beautiful sunny day and it finally occurred to me that I was able to be in that spot because of prior sacrifices I had already made. I thought of all those times when I was driving my cab and business was slow and I just wanted to go home early, but didn't, and I realized that this was the pay off. Every time I wanted to go out to eat, but cooked something at home instead, that was a sacrifice. Our being able to fly to Seattle, attend our friends' wedding, and sit at the Space Needle on a nice sunny day when all the mountains were out in their full glory, with the snow still on the peaks, that was the pay off for all those times I sacrificed immediate gratification for something better later on. We didn't have to charge that trip and we didn't have to worry about how we were going to pay for it later, because we had already paid the price, all we had to do at that point was reap the rewards. How cool is that? I can honestly tell you everything was better on that trip. The food tasted better, the sunsets were more beautiful, and we were able to enjoy ourselves so much more and I believe that was because we didn't have to worry about how we were going to pay for all of it.

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10:02am: It's Official, I'm Going to Seattle in September
For your boarding pass, use reference code CHCSCQ for online or airport checkin.
Mon, Sep 1, 2008 New Orleans Louis Armstrong International Airport, (MSY) to Seattle/Tacoma International Airport, (SEA)
Depart: 07:05 AM
Arrive: 08:12 AM


New Orleans, LA (MSY) to
Houston, TX (IAH)
Continental AirlinesContinental Airlines
Flight 762
(on Boeing 737-900)
Requested Seats: 28F
1 Stop - change planes Houston, TX (IAH)
Connection Time: 53mins
Depart: 09:05 AM
Arrive: 11:35 AM


Houston, TX (IAH) to
Seattle/Tacoma, WA (SEA)
Continental AirlinesContinental Airlines
Flight 1767
(on Boeing 737-900)
Requested Seats: 30F
Total Travel Time: 6 hrs 30 mins
For your boarding pass, use reference code CHCSCQ for online or airport checkin.
Wed, Sep 10, 2008 Seattle/Tacoma International Airport, (SEA) to New Orleans Louis Armstrong International Airport, (MSY)
Depart: 08:20 AM
Arrive: 02:37 PM


Seattle/Tacoma, WA (SEA) to
Houston, TX (IAH)
Continental AirlinesContinental Airlines
Flight 166
(on Boeing 757-300)
Requested Seats: 36F
1 Stop - change planes Houston, TX (IAH)
Connection Time: 1hr 3mins
Depart: 03:40 PM
Arrive: 04:55 PM


Houston, TX (IAH) to
New Orleans, LA (MSY)
Continental AirlinesContinental Airlines
Flight 323
(on Boeing 737-700)
Requested Seats: 24F
Total Travel Time: 6 hrs 35 mins

I'll be in Seattle from the first to the tenth of September! The only plans I have right now that are set in stone are for that Saturday night to be at Vanguard. That would be Sept 6. I'd like to get together with Luke and Julie and Kate and Glenn for dinner sometime during that time. Maybe we could all do this together? I really liked that Indian place that Kate and Glenn took me and Nev to last year, in the U district, I think it was called Shalimar? I loved the food there, would really like to go back. Alan, if you're reading this we MUST make plans to get up in the mountains, if you're in town that weekend. No trip to Seattle would be complete for me without at least one good hike. There are so many other people I'd like to see too, but I doubt I'll be able to see everyone on this trip.

Portland friends, I might be seeing you too. I'll be making plans to rent a car while I'm there and I hope to spend at least one or two days in Portland. rpeate, I didn't get a chance to see you, Robin, and the newest addition to your family, the lovely young Claire when I was up in the PNW last year. I would like to have dinner with you and Robin while I'm there, would really like to meet Claire too. Mikki and Fabian, you guys can expect a visit too.

I feel really good about this. Life has put me through some paces lately, but I persevered enough to be able to afford a real vacation. Ten days of no work and good company and some hiking, yeah I'm ready for it! I'm going to try to work every day from now until the first of September, so I'll really be ready for a break when I leave. I can't wait to see you all!

9:27am: Q: What is the Meaning of Life?
A: A movie by Monty Python.

Um, well yes that is true, but I did mean that literally (don't you just love watching me have a conversation with myself?); what is the meaning of life? Why are we all here? What does it all mean? I've been working on this question all my life and I think I've finally figured it out. But you're going to have to look behind the cut if you want me to impart my wisdom to you.

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8:59am: Doggy Wheelchairs
I'm going to have to start researching wheelchairs for dogs on line. Brandy can barely walk anymore. When I take her out to potty I support her hind legs with a towel, this seems to work pretty well for now. The vet took x-rays and said the cartilage between some of her vertebrae has been worn away. She also said there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. Other than her inability to walk, Brandy seems to be doing fine. She still has her lovable personality, she greets people at the door, her mind is still very alert. There's no way she's ready to be put down. I've seen dogs that are so old and who are in so much pain that they don't even seem to be themselves anymore, very often they even stop eating; sometimes you can just tell when it's time to end their suffering. I don't think my dog has reached that point yet, and I do believe I'm being as objective as I can about this.

I've heard of wheelchair contraptions that have been rigged up for dogs who've lost their legs or, like my Brandy, have lost the strength in them. How much do these things cost? Where can I find one?

11:14pm: Dancin' Fool
Dancing on Mondays at Ernst cafe from 7:30pm until 11pm.

Dance class on Tuesdays at Ernst cafe from 8pm until 10pm, open dancing afterward.

Swing Night at Rock and Bowl on Wednesdays from 8:30pm until midnight.

Swing dancing at WWII museum on Sundays from 1pm until 4pm.

Four days a week for swing dancing, what a lot of fun and what great exercise! I'm finally getting into Lindy Hop, learning "swing outs". I just came from Mondays at Ernst tonight. Great dancing. Mondays are kind of like a workshop. It's open dancing, but most of the better dancers are willing to help newer people. I'm finding that I'm starting to move out of the beginner phase and into the intermediate phase now. I had a chance to dance with a couple of very nice ladies tonight, who I thought were on a higher level of dancing than I am, but apparently that's not the case. I was doing steps they hadn't learned yet. So I got to help them out and actually teach them some of the stuff I've been doing. That feels really cool. I made very good dance connections with them and I know they'll see me as someone they can work on new steps with. They were very appreciative of the help and practice I was able to give them. This is turning out to be a very good way to meet people and I'm getting over a lot of the shyness I've had with approaching women most of my life.

I'm home now, sweaty and pooped. Didn't stay til the end, left Ernst about 10pm. It's into the shower and off to bed. Tomorrow will be another ten hour work day, an hour of saxophone practice, and then a two hour dance class again at Ernst. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait.

8:41am: Seven Weeks and Counting
I'm starting to get excited now. I've found my flight to Seattle and I should have the money in my checking account to purchase my ticket in a day or two. Can you believe that even with the high costs of fuel these days I still found a flight for under $300? The ticket is only $228 and when you factor in all the taxes and other costs it's still only $268. I hope that price will hold for a couple more days. Until I purchase tickets, it always feels like the trip I'm planning is only a fantasy in my mind. Now that I've got the money to purchase tickets it's finally starting to hit me that, yes, this trip is really going to happen. intelligentrix is going to Wisconsin at the end of this month to visit her family and I will take care of her cats while she's gone, so in turn she's agreed to take care of Brandy while I'm in Seattle. I'm glad we can do this for each other.

If I can still get this ticket price in a day or two from now, my vacation will be from Sept 1st through Sept 10th. I'm starting to try to get a schedule in my mind of where I want to go and who I want to see. I know I'll go to Vanguard on the Saturday I'm there. If alanro is in town that weekend and feels up to it, a good hike or two will definitely be in the cards. I'm going to try to rent a car. I'd like to get down to Portland to see some of my friends down there. I'll let you guys know if I can make it and maybe I'll be able to spend one or two days there. On the business end: I will have to renew my taxi permit while I'm there and I do want to go to the Green Cab company and see if I could possibly get hired on with them in the spring. I'm even going to go to Yellow Cab, where I've worked every time I've been in Seattle for longer stretches of time. They are the biggest company in Seattle and I'd like to stay with them, but I want to find out if they're doing anything to become more green. If they are maybe I could stay with them and help them make the transition to hybrids, or whatever their plan is.

Things have started to go a little better for me here in New Orleans: my cab hasn't broken down in over a month now, I'm starting to get much better on my saxophone, and I've really made a lot of new friends in the dance community. But even with all of that, I still think it might be time for a change in my life, come next spring or summer. If I can become part of a cab company that's actually doing something to clean up the taxi industry I'd like to be a part of that. I think it would give me a sense of purpose that seems to be lacking in my life right now. Even though I still do flip flop back and forth from day to day, I still think my mind is about 75% made up that I'll make this move. One of the ladies I've been dancing with lately lived in Seattle for many years and she says there's a huge dance community there. That's really good to know, because now that I've started dancing I don't ever want to stop. It's good to know that there are a lot of places to go dancing in Seattle.

Ten days, and a real vacation! The last two times I've been in Seattle I've referred to it as my "working vacation", because even though I was able to get up there I still had to go to work as soon as I got there. Even the first time we were there, when we had to evacuate for Katrina, the whole time my mind was focused on getting a taxi permit and getting back to work. I wasn't really able to enjoy myself while on evacuation. How can you enjoy yourself when you don't know what's happened to your home? The only time I was in Seattle when I didn't have to think about going to work was when Nev and I flew up for Luke and Julie's wedding, but we were only there for a weekend. I'm really looking forward to ten days of relaxation. I just took two days off work for the fourth of July. I'd been working for three weeks straight and decided I needed a little break. But I'm now about to embark on a push to work every day from now to Sept 1st. I'm working ten hours a day and every cent I make in my last two hours of work are going into my "vacation" envelope. Things are much harder financially now than they have been for a long time, but I'm not going to let that stop me from being able to travel. If it means working two more hours a day, and taking fewer days off, then so be it.

10:35am: A Day in the Life
Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican

by John Gray

Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards. He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and work as advertised.

All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

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Don't you just love those "self made men"?

9:14pm: Lebowski Time
Well, it's been a long time a comin'. I've never seen The Big Lebowski before. I've been told I've been missing a real treat. I've been looking for it in the video store for months now, but it's always been checked out. I went to Blockbuster tonight and went to the comedy section, not expecting to find it, but wait, it was there. I rented it and now I'm about to put it on and watch it. I know I'll be thinking of seamusd, as he is the spitting image of The Dude, at least before he shaved his beard. Here's thinking of you, James.

9:21am: Shut Up and Play
This is a long post. I know I should use LJ cut, but this one's important to me, so I want to try to make sure you read it.

I haven't talked or written about this much lately. Hell, I haven't written much in LJ at all recently. I think I mentioned briefly in one of my latest posts that I''ve started playing the sax again and taking lessons with Jason Mingledorf. This after a two and a half year hiatus after Katrina, when for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to pick up my horn. I haven't written about it because I didn't want to jinx it. I wasn't sure if I was going to keep at it and I didn't want to go shooting my mouth off about it, if I was just going to put it down again. Sometimes the enthusiasm wears off.

I think this time is going to be different. I've finally been playing with recordings without knowing anything about the songs at all. I had used recordings to play to before, but Jason had always told me what key the songs were in, what scales I could use, which notes to concentrate on, which notes to avoid; I wasn't going in totally uninformed, having to rely only on my ear, I always had some kind of advantage. I have been terrified to just sit down, put on a record, or CD, and just try to figure out the key and the chord changes. But I finally started doing it between my lessons with Jason. He's teaching at Loyola now, btw, and has a fancy dancy office on the prestigious Loyola campus. I can now actually say I'm studying music at Loyola, so how do you like that? So one day I brought my boom box into his office along with about five or six CDs that I'd been trying to play to and told him I want to start playing music. I've been studying scales and chords for so long now and that's really good, scales and chords are the building blocks of music, but I needed to start putting it together. So Jason picked out the Professor Longhair CD and I tried to play along with one of the tracks. I didn't do too bad. Jason was trying to teach me how to figure out what key the song is in by ear. You usually start out by trying to find the root, which is the first note of the chord that the key is in. Most songs usually start and end on the chord the key is in. Some songs start on a different chord, but all other songs always end on the root. The only two exceptions that don't end on the root that I, or anyone else, can cite are: Blowin in the Wind, by Dylan, which was an anti-war song and written as a protest and that's why he didn't end on the right chord, and The First Noel. These are the only two songs that don't end on the key they're in. If anyone knows of any others please let me know. Jason and I discovered that my problem was that I could find the fifth note of the chord, which is good because all chords are made up of three or more notes and those notes are the first note of the scale, the third note, and the fifth note. So your basic chord structure is 1,3, 5. We discovered that for some reason my ear keys onto the fifth. Once we figured that out it was elementary that I could find the root of the chord, if I can find the fifth of the chord. I just find the fifth and move it down two major thirds and viola, I have now found the root of the chord and the key the song is in!

Am I losing you here? Is all this musical theory starting to sound like, "wah wah, wah wah, wah wah wah wah? Ok, I'm not going to go into any more musical theory on you. But the point here is I've finally made a breakthrough to where I can sit down and figure out what key a song is in by strictly using my ear and nothing else. That, my friends, may seem like no great feat to you, but let me tell you it's huge to me. I've played this damn instrument all my life and I've never been able to do this before. When the lesson was over, Jason told me to go home and work on the song, Jambalaya. Everyone knows this one, don't they?

Goodbye Joe, me gotta go, me oh my oh
Me gotta go pole the pirogue down the bayou
My Yvonne, the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, well have good fun on the bayou

It was written by Hank Williams, but the most famous recording of it is by the New Orleans legend Fats Domino. Fess (that's short for Professor Longhair, for all y'all not from Nawlins) recorded it too and if you live in and around New Orleans you've probably heard his version much more than the Fats version. The only clue Jason would give me was that there were only two chords to this song, but that it is harder to play than what it seems.

I took the CD home and promptly put it on the stereo. Sure enough I started to key in on A. It sounded right, it harmonized with the music, but I kept remembering that my ear has a tendency to find the fifth, so I moved down two major thirds to D and holy shit, I had the key Y'all, I had the fucking key! Well from there I knew the next chord either had to be the four chord, which would have been G, or the five chord, which would have been A. When I tried those two chords against the music it became very obvious that the four chord did not work, but the five chord fit perfectly. So there you have it. That's how I figured out, all by myself, the two chords to Jambalaya. I could play along to music without having to rely on sheet music! I could play to the music! I could play! I could play! I could play! At long last, sweet Jesus (just an expression, you know I'm not religious)I could fucking play! The music bubbled up from my sax and from my soul, the notes, the right notes, were flowing out of me like water from a fountain. I was playing along to Professor Longhair and I used my ear to do it! Tears were flowing from my eyes. 43 years! 43 years I've waited for this and now I can finally do it. All those years spent listening to my dad and other musicians do it and now I've finally learned the trick! Oh Jambalaya, what a beautiful song. I love this song, I love it. I always liked it before but now it has a very special meaning to me. Thank you Mr. Williams for writing this beautiful, beautiful song!


Most people would find it kind of silly of me to get so emotional over having found two simple, basic chords. I even had to wipe the tears from my eyes again just now after copying and pasting the lyrics to Jambalaya to this this entry in my journal. Two chords are not that big a deal, and I've got such a long, long way to go, but I finally feel like I'm on my way. I've been able to put the Fess CD on the stereo and figure out the chord progressions to a few other songs, most of them are very basic one, four, fives. It's getting easier and easier each time I try to learn a new song. I know I've posted recently that I might be ready to leave New Orleans. But I have also said, however briefly, that if I can be playing music on a regular basis in clubs in New Orleans by this time next year that you probably couldn't tear me from this fucked up, beautiful place. Now, for the first time ever that fantasy is moving closer and closer to reality.

I've been going through hard times lately. I know I haven't exactly made that a secret. But this time things have been a little different. This time, instead of dropping all the things I like to do, I've continued to go dancing, I've even been playing my saxophone every day too. Even though life is hard, I'm finally learning how to celebrate it properly and I think I can feel it all finally starting to click. I'm finally learning to just pour myself into whatever it is that I want to do, to let myself go and let that special something inside of me take control. I'm finally learning how to join in the dance, and I mean that both figuratively as well as literally.

Goodbye joe, me gotta go, me oh my oh
Me gotta go pole the pirogue down the bayou
My yvonne, the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, well have good fun on the bayou

Chorus:
jambalaya, a-crawfish pie and-a file gumbo
cause tonight Im gonna see my machez a mio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be [a]gay-oh
Son of a gun, well have big fun on the bayou.


Thibodeaux, fontainbleau, the place is buzzin
Kinfolk come to see Yvonne by the dozen
Dress in style, go hog wild, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, well have big fun on the bayou.

Repeat chorus


jambalaya, a-crawfish pie and-a fillet [a]gumbo
cause tonight Im gonna see my machez a mio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be [a]gay-oh
Son of a gun, well have big fun on the bayou.
Son of a gun, well have big fun on the bayou.
Son of a gun, well have big fun on the bayou.

Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou! Yes indeed Mr. Williams, yes indeed.

8:24am: Gas Prices Mitght Force Me Out of N.O.
Everything is going up in price due to the cost of gas. But not taxi fare in New Orleans. At least not yet. You see, we don't exactly operate on the same free market system that most industries do. Our rates are set by the city. This is true in the three cities I've driven a cab in, all in different parts of the country. Because taxi rates are set by city governments, when our expenses as drivers go up we're not allowed to pass that cost directly back to the consumer, as most businesses will do. No, we have to wait for the politicians to give us the right to increase our rates.

Back when the cost of gas shot up to almost two dollars a gallon Gasp!, the city council allowed us to institute a one dollar per fare fuel surcharge. It hasn't gone up since then. Now that the price of gas has doubled that means that we drivers just have to eat the difference. When I first bought this cab it cost about twenty two dollars to fill up the tank, now it costs me about sixty two dollars, almost triple. I can make a full tank of gas last two days. Six months ago it cost me about fifty dollars to fill up, so on average it's costing me ten dollars a day more to gas up. Now ten dollars a day might not sound like a lot, but that's sixty dollars a week, over $250 a month. That's substantial.

We've been hearing for months now that the city council is about to let us increase the fuel surcharge by another dollar. But things move very, very, slowly in New Orleans and so far all I've heard is talk. When we do get to put the increase in place it will help a bit, but if oil prices keep rising at the rate they have been the past six months, it's not going to make much of a difference.

This is another one of the reasons why Seattle is looking better and better to me. Yes, they have to go to the city government for their fare increases too, but they do things in a much more logical way. For example: when the taxi companies went to their city leaders they got them to agree that when gas goes up by x amount, taxi fare would increase proportionally. That also means that when gas goes down, the fuel surcharge goes down as well. You see, they don't have to run to the city council every time the price of gas fluctuates. It's already built into the system that when gas goes up by so much the taxi companies already have the permission to increase their fares accordingly. That makes sense.

So far I've made a little more money driving a taxi in New Orleans than I have in Seattle. But if this trend in gas prices continues, financial circumstances might make it more lucrative for me to move to Seattle than to stay in New Orleans. And when you add in the fact that there is at least one cab company in Seattle that is trying to be more fuel efficient and more environmentally friendly, I have to keep on giving this move very serious consideration. Green Cab of Seattle is running a fleet of hybrid vehicles. This is something I knew had to happen. This is the future of the taxi industry and I'd like to be in on it from the beginning. If I wait much longer it won't be new anymore. I know that the cab companies in New Orleans will not adopt this new strategy until they are absolutely forced to do so, and I think that will be a long time yet. Hell, our cab company just invested thousands of dollars on a fancy new radio system. Well that's fine guys, but all the other taxi companies in the rest of the country are switching to computer dispatched systems! Once again New Orleans shows it's inability to let go of the past.

I'm very, very seriously thinking of making the move to Seattle for good. At this point I'd say I'm about 75% sure I'm going to do it. I have a year to weigh over the pros and cons, but the more I think about it the more I think I'm going to do it. If something drastic happens here in New Orleans between now and next summer and things all of a sudden take a turn for the better, I could decide to stay right here. But I think that's kind of a long shot. Even if I do decide to stay in New Orleans, I'm still going to Seattle for the summer, like we did the past two years. I'll try to head up there in June, when students leave for the summer and it becomes easier to find rooms to rent, or sublet. Because of obligations I have here in New Orleans, I'm prevented from going out there for a few months this year, but I'm still going to take about a ten day vacation in September. I have to renew my Seattle taxi permit in Sept or Oct and I really, really want to talk to the people at Green Cab. If I can become part of the green movement I want to help them transform the entire taxi industry in this country. I'd be happy to help them promote the company and I'd want to help them expand to other cities. Wouldn't it be cool if we could start something nationwide? Wouldn't it be awesome if we could make Green Cab so successful that it could become the first publicly traded cab company? This is what I'd like to do. This could be a calling for me. This could be my way of helping to save the environment, which I think is one of the most important causes there is.

12:45am: After Three Weeks I Hope It's Finally Over
It's been three weeks since I broke up with this woman and now I hope it's finally over. After the first bout of insanity she calmed down and didn't contact me for a while. Then she seemed fairly reasonable and asked if she could come to Wednesday at the square, because she still wanted to dance with me. I didn't want to be an asshole, I like to dance, and she was a pretty good dance partner, so I told her it would be ok. She showed up, we danced, then she wanted to talk. A concert is not a good place to talk, but I tried. We discussed what went wrong and I tried to tell her that we don't have that much in common and she needs way more than I have to give. Then she tried to stroke my hair. I shut that down immediately and after that we didn't dance any more. She texted me the next day and said it was just too painful for her to see me. Didn't hear from her for a while after that.

Last week I got a text from her, telling me that she had a new apartment in the same building, she said it was a lot nicer than the last place. I didn't respond. Two days later I get another text asking me if she told me she had a new place. I hate to be an asshole, I don't want to be a dick, so I sent back a quick text saying that yes, she did. Then she sent another text, inviting me over when she got settled into the new place, said she wanted to cook for me. I knew I wasn't going to do this, but I didn't want to be mean. Yes you heard right, I didn't want to be mean. So I texted back that I'd think about it. She said thank you. I said "no promises" knowing full well that I'd never do it.

Well, today was her day off from work, so I expected a new round of text messages, and I was right. She texted me a few times. I tried to be kind. I tried to tell her that it just didn't work out and I asked her why she couldn't just let it go. To make a long story she short, she pushed it, and pushed it, and pushed it, until I finally had to be a dick. When I told her to let it go she texted back, "why?" "Because I don't want to be with you." I texted. "I don't know how I can make it any clearer than that!" Well I think she may have finally got it through her thick head with that. She shot back one last message saying something about her being a toy for me and finally good bye. I didn't hear anything the rest of the day. I hope it's finally over now.

I have to admit I'm not good at this sort of thing. I haven't had to break up with very many women. In the past I've either gotten dumped, or we came to a mutual conclusion that it just wasn't working out. Most of the time I've been able to remain friends with the women I've broken up with. I was really hoping I could get to a point with this one where we could be friends, or at least friendly toward each other, but she just wouldn't let that happen. Every time I tried to be kind to her she took it as a sign that we'd soon be getting back together, until I finally had to spell it out to her very bluntly. I really do hope I've heard the last of her. I only dated her for three months, but she's been acting like we had a serious relationship for years. God, what would have happened if I'd have let this go on any longer? I don't think she's had much experience being the one who gets broken up with. I think she's dumped most of the men she didn't want to be with. I saw her go through the stages of mourning. First she was mad, then she was depressed, then she tried to bargain with me, then she acted like she was in denial. I hope she's finally hit acceptance and now realizes that yes, it really is over, and there is nothing she can do to bring it back. I hope she's finally over this and will start to get on with her life.

Is there a typical time frame for someone to get over a break up and get on with their lives?

8:03am: It's Official, 2008 Sucks
Just the other day intelligentrix and I were commenting about how this has been a bad year for a number of reasons, especially deaths. Really, I don't think I know of one person who is doing really well this year. So far it's been a bad economy which has effected so many of us, especially me with the high price of gas and my cab constantly breaking down (so far no problems for the past three weeks, knock on wood), we've had pets die, pets who almost died, people move away, and many of our favorite celebrities have passed away. Last week it was the unexpected death of Meet the Press moderator Tim Russert. Now I wake up this morning to find George Carlin has died too. What next? Can we just get this year over with and try to pretend it never happened?

7:02am: Home of the Brave
(I must say that this "table" of American politics is a mighty funny thing. Impeachment for war crimes, torture and tyranny is permanently off the table; but all military options -- including the ever-present threat of nuclear "obliteration" of whole populations -- is permanently on the table. Indeed, it has become the new third rail of American politics, the sacred doctrine that every "serious" candidate must loudly affirm: "a president must never take any option off the table." The threat of massive violence must lurk behind every dealing with a foreign power, every session of "peace talks," every "good-faith negotiation." Call it the Al Capone school of foreign policy. And hey, we hear tell Capone was pretty good at "the table" too -- especially with a baseball bat in his hand.)

http://airamerica.com/blog/2008/jun/10/inconvenient-truth-cyber-thugs-take-down-kucinich-site

Unfortunately this is the kind of country we've become.

7:24am: Here's Something Interesting
David Brooks has an interesting op-ed piece in today's New York Times that I found interesting and pretty much agree with.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/10/opinion/10brooks.html?th&emc=th

"The tax code should tax consumption, not income, and in the meantime, it should do more to encourage savings up and down the income ladder."

I know, I know, you're going to say David Brooks is a conservative, why listen to anything he says. But I consider him to be closer to the definition of a true conservative than these ultra right wing Nazis running around these days who call themselves conservatives. They're not conservative. I try to keep my mind open to most opinions and I think David Brooks has some very good points in his column today. I think he's absolutely right when he talks about the debt industry and how America used to be a frugal country that valued hard work and saving, but we've become a country that now believes in living only for the moment, spending every cent we get our hands on, and believing that you don't have to work hard because you might be able to strike it rich by playing the lottery.

7:52am: Spam on LJ?
Do we now have LJ spam? I just received a comment to my last post from a lj user I've never heard of before. The comment had absolutely nothing to do with my post and was prompting me to click on a video of Paris Hilton in the nude. I clicked on the user's info page and there was virtually no information about this user. Needless to say, I didn't click on the video and deleted the comment from my journal. This is really weird. Have any of you had anything similar to this happen in your journals? Are spammers starting to infiltrate LJ now?

9:03am: She's Going to Make It
At least for a little while longer. My friend and next door neighbor, Eric, called me on my cell phone while I was out working yesterday. He wanted to go from UNO to somewhere Uptown. He said he was going to have to call a cab anyway, but wanted to see if I wanted to make the money, rather than him giving it to whatever cab driver the company would send if he were to just call for a cab. I was just on my way back to the house to check in on Brandy, but I told him that I'd be happy to pick him up. He lives in the other half of this shotgun double we're renting, so he knows what the situation with Brandy has been. When I picked him up he decided he wanted to stop at the local grocery store, Rouse's, and pick up some beer. I told him that would be great and that if he didn't mind I would just drive back to the house, drop him off and he could walk down to Rouse's from there, so I could take Brandy outside, and then drive down to Rouse's and pick him up. He agreed to the plan.

The first good sign when I walked in the door was she was up on the couch again. She's had so little strength lately that it was a sign that maybe she was gaining her strength back. I took her outside to the neutral ground and when she went potty, it was a firm stool! Yay! Let's hear it for firm stools Y'all. I think one of the most underrated things in life is the firm stool. It's something we all take for granted, until we can't produce them anymore. Then our life is literally in a crisis. When I picked Eric up at Rouse's the first thing he asked me, as he got into the car with his beer and other party supplies was, "how did she do?" When I told him the stool was firm, he actually patted me on the shoulder and said "Congratulations!" See, he's spent a lot of time around sick pets too, so he knows the value of a firm stool as well as I do. When I took her back outside last night she didn't poop at all again, but this morning she made another firm one. Wooo-fucking-hoooo! I am so relieved. She's got her strength back, she's got her spunky-ness back, she even barks to tell me she wants a treat. No, this dog is definitely not ready to die yet.

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Yes, I feel better today. It' looks like my Brandy will be with me for at least a while longer and I feel so much better about that. It's like having a new lease on life.

8:30am: Hoping this Crisis is Drawing to a Close
Needless to say, it was a horrible weekend for me. I went to the Bayou Boogaloo and tried to have some fun, but it was very difficult with Brandy being sick. The Boogaloo was close enough to the house that I could walk back every hour or so to check up on her. I stayed at home all day yesterday. I wanted to be with her and monitor her condition constantly.

She's eating better, she's drinking plenty of water, and when I took her outside this morning she was even walking better. She didn't poop, which is not usual for her, but considering how bad the runs were this weekend I consider this a good sign. Maybe she can finally eat without the food going straight through her system. Her condition seems to be improving to what it was before she got sick, which was that she was having a lot of difficulty walking, but as long as I took my time with her, went real slow, she seemed to be coping. I can see the life returning to her eyes and I just know it's not time to put her down yet. As long as she has mobility and still seems to enjoy life I can't do that to her.

I have to get back to work today, but fortunately I do have a job that will allow me to make frequent stops to the house to see how she's doing and take her out for her walks. Maybe this crisis is over, or maybe it's just being postponed to another day, but I'm thankful either way. I need more time to adjust myself to the fact that she's not going to be with me much longer and I need more time to say goodbye to her. I'm going to spoil her as much as I can, I'm going to show her how much I love her. I'd prefer her to die of natural causes, but if I have to make the decision to end her suffering I want her to die in my arms, knowing that she's loved and cherished. This is so hard for me. Most of you who know me well know that I have troubles bonding with people. But I've always loved animals. They give us unconditional love, no matter how big an asshole we can be at times. I love this dog more than any pet I've ever had and more than a lot of people I know. It's going to be so hard for me to say goodbye to her. At some point I may get another dog, I do need some kind of companionship, but I think it will be a while. No other dog is going to be able to replace my Brandy.

9:17am: Small Signs of Improvement
I'm seeing minimal improvement in Brandy's condition today. I went to the pet store and got her some medicine that's supposed to help with the runs. No mess in the house last night. Good sign. She was even able to stand on her hind legs and I was able to take her for her walk on the neutral ground this morning, which hasn't been possible the past two days. Another good sign. While we were out there her stool was a little more firm, but not as firm as it should be. But nonetheless, another good sign. The only bad news is that when she goes poo her back legs are so weak that she can't stay squatted, she still falls into her own mess. I held her up as she did her business. Normally this would be too humiliating for her, but I think she knows why I'm doing this and I think she appreciates it.

I still see so much life in her eyes. I'm beginning to think she might get over the runs, but her legs are still very weak. The friends I have who had this same problem with their dogs tell me that they used a towel to help their dogs walk better. They say the fed the towel under the dog's hind quarters and they would gently lift, giving the dog more support. I'm probably going to try this. If she gets over the runs, she's still a pretty healthy dog for her age, except that she has serious trouble walking. If I can give her a little lift by using this towel method I think I might be able to buy her a little more time.

She still wants to eat, she's still drinking water, she looks at me like she loves me and wants to please me. I'm not getting any signals from her that it's time for her to go yet. I know that when it's time to go a lot of pets will refuse to eat or drink and will basically want to lie in a corner and die. I don't think Brandy is there yet. I hope I'm not wrong. I hope I'm reading this right. I see small signs of improvement. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Today I have a little more reason to hope.

9:57am: A Few More Thoughts on Job
Cynical Joe is back. I tried for so long to be positive, but life has been bashing me about so much lately that I'm just in a mood to wallow in my cynicism. I'll get over this eventually, but for right now I'm finding it very hard to be happy and up beat. So let's talk about the Bible, shall we? Most specifically the book of Job. What better book to think about when life is throwing one curve ball after another at you?

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9:55am: Why This, Why Now?
Is this how it starts? Brandy's sick. I spent all night last night cleaning up after her, she has loose bowels. I don't know if it's a bug in her system, or if this is the beginning of the end. I've heard how it happens. First they start to have trouble walking, trouble with the hips. Then they lose control of their bowels, they get to the point where they can't even get up to relieve themselves anymore, and it's just a matter of time from there. At some point you have to make the decision as to when you think their life is harder for them to live than it is for them to die, which is inevitable anyway. Especially when your dog is 13 plus years old. I know this is the decision I might be dealing with. If not now, if this is only a short term bug, it's only a matter of time. She's 13 and she almost can't walk. I'm not stupid, I can see the writing on the wall.

Hey Life! How much more of this shit are you going to dish out to me? You're throwing a lot at me at once. And now this? Is this the coup de grace? Is this what you're going to do to really finish off my mood? You know I've been trying to keep my chin up, but man, do you have to make it so fucking difficult? Can't you let her live for at least another six months, maybe even a year? On top of all the shit I've been dealing with lately, are you going to take my best friend from me too? But then what the hell, why not? Bring it on. I mean if I have to suffer, might as well get it all over at once, right? What else are you going to do to me? No wait! Pretend I never asked that question, because just when you say, "well it can't possibly get worse than this," it usually does. Oh man can it get worse. Look at all the starving people in the world, look at those people who died in the earthquake in China, look at what we did to those poor bastards in Iraq, and you want to ask, can it get worse? Of course it can get worse, you should consider yourself lucky. But man, can't you give me a break, Life? Not even for a little while? I know she won't be here forever, not even for that much longer. But do you have to take her from me now? Why now?

"I'm talkin' to the wind man, I'm only talkin' to the wind." Cool Hand Luke

Job was an idiot.

10:24am: Man's Best Friend
I love my dog, Brandy, more than any other pet I've ever had. She's getting up there in age now. We rescued her from the animal shelter 12 years ago. The only way we had to tell what her age might have been at the time was by her teeth. The vet at the shelter said he estimated she was about a year old. So that would make her 13 years old now. For the most part she's doing pretty well. She still has her wonderful personality. She still enjoys going for walks, although she can't walk very far these days, and she still greets me with glee when I come home from work at night. The dogs we've had in our family have always lived long, healthy, lives (except the one who just couldn't resist the urge to chase cars, don't think I need to tell you how that ended). I believe our dogs lived so long because we always fed them mostly dry dog food. Every once in a while I'll give Brandy some pizza crust, she also loves fortune cookies and she somehow knows when Chinese food gets delivered to the house that there's a treat in it for her. If I don't give her her fortune cookie when I'm done eating she'll look at me with this face that just seems to say, "hey, you had Chinese food, I know there's a fortune cookie waiting for me, now give it up." But for the most part its strictly dog food for her. I remember my grandma's dog, Pudge. My grandma and grandpa gave that dog everything they ate. Whenever they ate anything, even ice cream, they always saved the last bite for Pudge. That dog was always at the vets office, he always had health problems and he died at a young age. I think we helped our dogs live much longer lives by not giving them all the shit we human beings put into our bodies.

Over the last year Brandy has been having problems walking and it's not getting any better. I've taken her to the vet and they took some x-rays and told me that some of the cartilage between her vertebra has been worn away. They also told me there was nothing I could have done to prevent this, and not much I can do to make it better. I have her on glucosemine and that has made a little improvement, but she's still not walking like her old self. I know it's unreasonable for me to think that she ever will again. Some days are better than others. On the good days I think she could be with me for another year, maybe even longer. On the bad days I think it might be any day that I'll have to make the decision to put her down.

As long as she's still herself I know I won't have to make that decision. I think I'll know when that time comes and I'm pretty sure I'll have the strength to end her suffering when she has lost her dignity and will to live. That time is not at hand yet, but I know it's getting nearer and nearer. So, I've taken to spoiling her as much as I can. I take her for longer walks; even though she can't go very far, I just let her roam wherever she wants, for as long as she wants. I still don't give her a lot of people food, but she's been getting more of her favorite raw hide treats than what she would usually get. It used to be only one a day, now she gets at least two, and on some days I've actually given her three. I cherish every moment I can spend with her, because I know at her age her days are very limited. I try to let her know how much I love her every chance I get. I know pets can feel the love we have for them.

I hope I won't ever have to make the painful decision to put her down. I would much rather she dies a natural death, sparing me the painful decision to have to end her life. But I'm afraid it's not going to play out that way. So far my life has been relatively untouched by death. Both of my parents are still alive and I've had very few people I know die on me. I'm afraid that Karma is going to catch up to me at some point and I'll have to deal with death much more than I have had to up until now. If I do have to make the terrible decision some day, I want to hold her in my arms and tell her I love her and that I'm ending her suffering for her, because I love her too much to see her suffer when nothing more can be done for her.

So, it's day to day. I'm trying to spend as much time with her as I can. I'm looking at the positive side. She's still herself, I still have her, and she still seems to enjoy life. I'm trying not to think about what inevitably lies ahead. She's the best dog I've ever had and I don't know what I'm going to do when she's gone. I just have to try to enjoy every day I still have her. That horrible day could be over a year away, or it could come very suddenly. I don't know which way it's going to go. I just hope she knows how much I love her.

11:21am: Grasping at Straws?
"I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on," she said in an interview with USA TODAY. As evidence, Clinton cited an Associated Press article "that found how Sen. Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me."

"I should be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States because I have the uneducated white racist vote!"

It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?